Post Covid Predictions
I was doing dinner dishes and my phone dinged with a text from a friend saying that LA was going into lockdown. And…here’s the kicker: she said it was going to be for at least…2 Weeks. WHAAAAT? What would I do with myself for 2 frickin’ weeks?
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Here we are almost 5 months later and counting.
I’m optimistic there’ll be a (safe) vaccine for those at high risk by October and the rest of us common folk top of the year. Until then, it would behoove us to amuse ourselves.
By no means do I think I’n an expert on what life might be like PC (Post Covid). But just for fun, here are some (biased) predictions about music, fashion and other stuff. Ready?
Skinny Jeans:
Never again
Heels:
Same
Fashion in General:
Comfort will remain the priority. For a while at least. I haven’t gone full-elastic waistband yet. Well, actually I have…that Brandy Melville flowwy frock I stole from Layla’s closet has been a life-saver. I’ve also worn Crocs to the market. At some point I do think we’ll be enthusiastic to “dress” again. Even if the shoes don’t fit. We humans forget pain. Why would any woman have a second child if we didn’t.
Make-up:
Did someone say lipstick? Gloss? Not until we’re done with the mask. It’s all about the eyes!
Hair:
Lots of us are embracing the gray. I, on the other hand, have been self-coloring. Crown only. You should see what the back of my scalp looks like. It’s not pretty. But look at my friend Lisa!
Hairdressers:
…are going to be BIZZY! Or maybe not if your extra long tresses make you feel like a teenager again. Mine do.
Facial Hair (men):
Same. Barbers are poised.
Facial Hair (women):
Better go find the magnifier and the tweezers.
Air Travel:
We’ll be wearing masks for a long time. I will never ever ever ever fly without one again. We always knew cabins were full of germs, but so what? We risked it. We used to see a traveler wearing a mask and thought “OMG isn’t that a little overboard?” But not any more. And it’s not just to prevent Covid. How about the…
Common Cold:
There will be less of it. I haven’t had one in six months, have you? I credit the distancing. There’ll be less of any ailment that gets contracted via the transfer of germs because we’re going to all be so much more mindful everywhere we go which brings me to…
The Supermarket:
Mask me up. There’s just too many ppl touching too many of the same things for my comfort. I don’t expect you to wear a mask at the supermarket, but I wouldn’t mind if you did. Also…
Shaking Hands:
Nope. Not gonna do it. And don’t shove your elbow in my face either. Blow me a kiss. Namaste me a bow, but do not reach for my hand and put me in the position of having to explain.
Dreaming:
How do you appear in your current dreams? I’m wearing a mask in mine. Occasionally I dream that I’ve shown up somewhere and forgotten to wear it which is analogous to that BC (Before Covid) dream where I get on public transportation and realize I forgot my pants. Please tell me you’ve had that dream too.
Relationships:
People who swore they were in love will break up. People who were breaking up will re-fall madly in love. Lots of babies gonna be born in December through the 9-month mark from the end of stay-at-home. Someone out there will name their kid “Covid.” 🙄
Social Media:
As much as we’re sick of the constant scrolling (and we’re all well aware of our increased screen-time), it will continue. We’re addicted. The end.
Dining Indoors:
Yes. It’ll take a while. We’re social beings. We enjoy a buzzing bistro. But we don’t all live in California where the weather is suited for sidewalk tables all-year-round. So come inside. We’ll deal with the not-very-flattering (but germ-killing) UV Lights over the tables.
Entertaining:
I’ve always preferred the small soirée. If not for the possibility of hurting feelings I’d limit dinner parties to 6. Sitting at the head of a table wondering what they’re laughing about on the other end drives me nuts. The intimate nature of a conversation is directly related to the quantity of people in it. Now I will have a reason to keep it small.
Early Retirement:
Yup. Now that many of us have gotten a taste of it why engage again only to have to downshift in a year or two. I predict a lot of 60-somethings will call it quits leaving their jobs (thankfully) to a new generation of kids who graduated into an economy of unemployment.
Movie Theaters:
I dig the vibe of falling asleep in the privacy my bedroom while binge-ing on Hulu but it’s not the same as the larger-than-life full-on escape experience of the big screen sucking me in. Plus, the popcorn. Here’s hoping they can survive.
Driving:
The short term hiatus from discourteous road manners was temporary. The Porsche that slips itself into the parking spot for which you were waiting patiently will be back. The living-room-sized vehicle that takes a spot marked “compact,” yeah that too. Stay calm. In the scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. But you know what does matter?
Food:
Congratulations, you either learned to cook or became a connoisseur of delivery Apps. Either way you probably gained some…
Weight:
Yaaaas! There’ll be more of that on most all of our bodies. With exceptions: my “wifey” Suzan Koc dropped 40 pounds!
Pop Song Themes:
I moderated a panel on which Sam Hollander said that when “this” is over he never wants to hear another Covid-19 reference in a song lyric. I disagreed at the time. In fact I wrote a song about the “Quarantine 10” when I still had a sense of humor about lockdown. But I agree with Sam now. Enough is enough. Except I heard this track, “Quarantined,” by Rapper Christylez Bacon on KCRW the other day, and I dig it!
Mental Health:
You don’t have to be Freud to know there will be an uptick in depression and anxiety. I thought I was going mad when I spent 3 weeks by myself. And I live in a roomy house. People need people. I can’t imagine how it’s been for the single person quarantining in a studio. My friend Kevin put it this way: “We may all be in the same storm but we’re in different boats.” Be ready to be there for friends who’ve been floating alone in small boats. If you’re the friend in the small boat don’t be afraid to reach out to a couple in a McMansion and request a weekend visit when we’re on the other side.
Re-integration:
Even for those of us who enjoy our solitude…(me), there’s gonna be a period of reintegration into the world. I mean, it’s not going to be like Stands With Fists in Dances with Wolves but I think it’s going to take some getting used to when we start leaving our homes on a regular basis. Taking inventory for example: Phone? Wallet? Keys? Sunglasses? Shoes? Bra? And how did Waze work again?
Music:
We have no choice but to wait it out for venues to re-open. Until then, we’ll keep making it anyway! Because we have to. There was never a choice, right? Applause or not. We’ll do it in parking lots, on rooftops (I think I’m actually booked for one of those in Sept), live-streams from empty stages. That’s it. No magic prediction here. And one day doors will open and it’s gonna be cray cray (can I still sat that?) But seriously, can you imagine your first live concert Post Covid? It’s gonna be nuts! On and off the stage.
Politics:
I understand that many of us didn’t like our options 4 years ago. Well, we’ve have 4 years to assess our choice as a country. The people I love are not in a better place. We have a different option now. And…I predict if we choose to make a change, we’re going to collectively go through “chaos withdrawal.” The news will seem dull. But hopefully some time soon, whichever way it goes, we’ll be able to travel again and adjust to life “in the after.”
Last but not least and speaking of the news, I put forth there should be a show called “Good News” — 1/2 hour of uplifting stories only, that will offset the current insanity. Stories like this:
Roger Federer surprised 2 Italian girls after a video of them playing rooftop tennis from opposite sides of the street went viral:
There’s so much more but on that happy note, I leave you, hopefully with a smile.
Please share a prediction of your own!
Oh and Speaking of making music….please mark this down on your ical. I’m rehearsing my ass off and it’s going to be a quality event!
And one more thing…Pre-Save my next single. This one is GOING TO BE FUN! click here https://cmg.ffm.to/bitch
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