Looking out the window of my west bound plane, taking in what just happened, I’m filled with so many thoughts. Adam is worried. He suggests after all the excitement and euphoria I’m going to crash. "Post GRAMMY Depression." I won’t. I’m pretty sure I’ll be high for a while.
Last November, when I got the nomination, that was the win. How unlikely to be grouped with such an esteemed line up for my audiobook. I never expected to take home the prize. But as the big night neared friends started saying they thought I had a shot…that there was a path to victory if the popular vote got split. This idea sparked a fantasy.
The night before the show I entertained the idea of writing a short speech ‘just in case.’ I knew I’d be setting myself up for disappointment if they didn’t call my name but it would be irresponsible not to have something prepared. So as I showered in the morning I came up with a few lines in my head. That night in the Premiere Ceremony however, they didn’t call my name. I wasn't surprised but truth be told, I felt a subtle skip of a heartbeat.
When the pre-ceremony was over off came the heels, off came the Spanx. Out of the theatre I beelined to the concession stand and had me a big ol' hot dog with extra mustard. Then we filed into the main theatre for the telecast. I wished I had a crumb of an edible in my pocket or a bottle of vodka with a straw in my hand. After all, I can relax now.
Loved Gaga. Logic. Elton. Sting—surprisingly not so much.
When the show was over we headed over to the after party where I proceeded to consume anything that was edible. Not necessarily in this order (well actually, it was exactly in this order): a double vodka on the rocks, mac and cheese, veggie dumplings, sloppy joes, chips, slaw, white chocolate covered strawberries, toasted coconut coated marshmallows, another vodka on the rocks, oysters on the half shell (yes, after the sweets), pulled pork, fried plantains, truffles and one more white chocolate covered strawberry. (They were SO good)!
Quite the mix of cuisine. That’s what we do when we’re trying to pretend it doesn’t matter.
If prizes are not supposed to mean anything…not supposed to make us feel rewarded, then we could say the same for MVP trophies and Olympic gold medals.
That said, I’m very resilient. In the morning I was back to the place where I knew the Nom was the win. Cuz it was. Back to pinching myself. I had been hoping that 1 of the 5 slots would be given to a songwriter. And it was.
We’re over Colorado now. Thank you Jet Blue for the free Wi-Fi! I’m updating my website. Added my GRAMMY moment. Scrolled down the events page. What a wild ride it’s been since the day I thought, maybe I can write a book.
Here are some more random afterthoughts:
- Tomorrow I’ll get back to a healthy lifestyle. Green tea, salad, cardio, yoga, vitamin D in the form of sunshine, top down, lots of ginger infused water. No more hot dogs!
- I’m thinking of writing a note to Bruce that would go like this: Dear Boss, I hope you’re not too bummed that they gave it to Carrie. Don’t worry. You’ve got your Broadway show to keep you busy, so many fans and other awards…a couple of hits under your belt. It’s going to be ok. (BTW I've got tickets to your show in March. if you’re still feeling down, I’ll come backstage and give you a hug. Maybe you’ll sign a copy of my book?)
- I’m thankful that the universe was kind to my immune system. I asked that I stay flu-free until after the Awards. My wish was granted. I can get sick now. Bring it on. I won’t complain.
- Advice: if you ever get a nomination try to respond to every text and email, every message from a Facebook friend you never met who sends you love, support, congratulations. If you’re lucky enough to have a community who believes in you you’re going to receive a lot of them. Tell them thank you and mean it.
- In my book I wrote about my first nomination in 1997 and how I thought the GRAMMYs would never be as exciting for me again. I was wrong. This one took the cake. Recently, my daughter said to me, “Mama, this nomination wasn’t about one song. It was about ALL of them. It was about your whole life.” Thank you, daughter.
I’m looking forward to moving forward.
Tray tables up. Seat belts fastened. Okay then.